I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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