i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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