Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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