smell my finger.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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