he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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