also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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