Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
