a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Houston, we have a blender
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
