hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize