Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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