I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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