its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
