It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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