i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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