I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
