Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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