if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
