Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
