we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
