If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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