dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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