After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
