hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
