just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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