I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
