I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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