i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
