this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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