3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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