Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
