I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize