So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Green mimosas i think yes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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