I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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