I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
