I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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