youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
