come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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