The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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