You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
3 2 1 whiskey
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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