If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
