She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He did a backflip because drugs
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