You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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