I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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