so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You may now shotgun with the bride
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
