I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
