awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
