I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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