I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
