Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.