Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public