dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
