Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER