Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
