I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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