How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
