So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
