You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is the high leading the old right now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
