He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
