Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
