My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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