I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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