Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
not ubering you a puppy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
