put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
