Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
