i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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