i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dick very happy bro
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
