Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
