In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
