I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
