dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
