i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
