Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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