Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
