i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize