He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
