i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
