No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
